One Year Anniversary Post and Snow

December 27th marked the one year anniversary of our meeting Josi in Guatemala. We flew to Guatemala City the day before and landed in the evening. We were able to get a good night's rest before meeting our daughter for the first time. When she walked in the hotel room, I could have sworn right then she was an angel. I could not believe how absolutely beautiful she was. She was scared and crying, but quickly stopped when we gave her a few Christmas presents. We signed the POA that morning, and then spent the next few days at the hotel with her.

It always felt like a dream to me, Josi's adoption. Sammy and I seeing her photo on the photolisting December 23rd, praying and deciding to adopt her on the 24th (which was a miracle,) and flying to Guatemala on the 26th. In between that time was Sammy's company Christmas party, heading out to the store on Christmas Eve to buy a few gifts and clothes for Josi, hosting and cooking and visiting with family and friends, Christmas with five children, and packing to leave the country. Talk about a whirlwind. All the while my head was spinning. And if my head was spinning like that, I can only imagine what was going through Sammy's mind. (I had been wanting to adopt again for a year, but Sammy kept saying no.) But we both new that this was God's will. There was no question about that. We believe that God led us to her photo, guided us and told us what we needed to do. It's amazing what happens when you put your trust in Him. At that level of faith, you don't even think or move, God does it all for you.

I do know that God has his reasons for doing things, and that I am incapable of understanding why. As much as I still can't help but question all of this, and the pain can be unbearable at times; I do have peace because I feel in my heart that we did what we had been called to do.

These photos were taken right after Josi came to our room. She was so scared and precious. I wanted to hold her so bad, but didn't want to scare her more.

~~~~~

A couple of weeks ago we got an awesome snow storm. It was so fun to watch it happen. When it was done, it was a gorgeous sight. It snows here probably once or twice a year, and it's always a big deal when it happens. But we haven't had snow like this in 14 years. It was very cool!!!

Our front yard before the storm
Yay, it's snowing!
The snowflakes were as big as quarters!
Our front yard about four hours later.
Our back yard.

Catching up...

I am way behind in my posting. I will be catching up over the next few days.

On the 20th we attended Sammy's company Christmas party. As always we had a wonderful time. It was at Disney's Grand Californian hotel, so Mickey and Minnie made an appearance to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Neither Sammy nor Shay really wanted anything to do with either of them. Shay agreed to see them as long as daddy was holding him.

~~~~~~~~

It is still very hard to accept that Josi is gone. Christmas made it harder in some ways but easier in others. Now that the holidays are just about over, we have to decide what to do with all of Josi's clothes and things. I am not looking forward to that at all. It seems like yesterday, I was so happily filling the drawers with her clothes in great anticipation.

Sammy and I have talked and both agree that we cannot let it end this way. Lord willing, we are hoping to pursue another adoption in the future. We are not sure from where yet; but we will be looking into adopting from the foster care system here in the US.

A Video to Share

I cannot put into words how much every one's comments and prayers have helped us get through this very dark time. The outpouring of love to our family has been overwhelming in the best way. I am reading every single comment and post as they come in from this blog and the adoption boards I frequent. They have been what is keeping me together and keeping my mind from wandering to the dark place where my daughter and a beautiful loving family was murdered. I find that my hardest times is when I have nothing to read (blog comments,) or search for, (details on the murder.) It is so easy to dwell on what what has happened and what will never be.

This video was put together by a dear friend of mine, Tammy. She recently, after a two-year process, brought her son Robbie home from Guatemala. Tammy, I love you too dear sister, and don't you feel guilty for one minute. My daughter is spending eternity dancing with Jesus. What more could I ask for? Thank you so much Tammy! We will cherish it forever. I can't wait to get the DVD and watch it here on the big screen.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I am so very grateful for the times I got to spend with Josi. I am angry at myself for cancelling my visit trip last month. But I only did so because we were to be together forever this month. I know she is here with me; but better than that, she is with her Heavenly father who promises no more pain, no more fear, no more tears. I take so much comfort in knowing this. It makes the pain of losing her so much easier to take.

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me,

And I'm not there to see,

If the sun should rise and find your eyes

All filled with tears for me:

~~~

I wish you wouldn't cry

The way you did today,

While thinking of the many things,

We didn't get to say

~~~

I know how much you love me,

As much as I love you,

And each time that you think of me,

I know you'll miss me too:

~~~

But when tomorrow starts without me,

Please try to understand,

That an angel came and called my name,

And took me by the hand.

~~~

And said my place was ready,

In heaven far above,

And that I'd have to leave behind

All those I dearly love.

~~~

But when I walked through heaven's gates,

I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me,

From His great golden throne,

~~~

He said, "This is eternity.

And all I've promised you.

Today your life on earth is past,

But here life starts anew."

~~~

"I promise no tomorrow,

But today will always last,

And since each day's the same way

There's no longing for the past.

~~~

"So when tomorrow starts without me,

Don't think we're far apart,

For every time you think of me,

I'm right here, in your heart.

~~~

Author Unknown

I am Kelly, posting on behalf of Carla.

Carla says she cannot express how thankful they are and how much love they feel as a result of all of your posts and comments. Your kind words, encouragement, and good deeds (including those generous souls that have donated toward Josi's Memorial) have helped more than you could ever know. Understandably they are deeply grieving the loss of beautiful Josi and trying to make sense of as much as humanly possible yet trusting God for all things we will never understand. She knows without God in her life, things would be so much more bleak.

Many have asked for more details surrounding the deaths, but little is known outside of news reports and newspaper articles. Unfortunately Josi and the entire family were murdered during a home invasion which included the foster mother's sister, her husband, their young two children, and Josi. Possible motives and details of the deaths are still only hearsay as the media isn't always an accurate source of information.

We are comforted knowing this family loved Josi and was providing a loving home for her while they waited for the completion of the adoption. This and knowing even as Josi was taking her last breath, our amazing Lord had her wrapped in his loving arms.

~~~

Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”(Luke 18:15-17 )

The saddest news

This is Ruthanne. I'm posting for Carla because her heart is too sad to even think about posting this.
Last night, Carla got the phone call that terrifies every parent---her sweet, beautiful daughter, Josi, had been killed. Carla will give you details as she can, but for now, please pray for this family. They were close to bringing Josi home and are as heart-broken as any family can be.
Josi's new birth certificate had just come through and according to Guatemalan law, she is considered their daughter and sister---but she has been their daughter and sister in their hearts for much longer than that.
We know that Josi is twirling and dancing and smiling in heaven right now without pain or hurt. She died knowing that a family loved her unconditionally and was preparing a place for her in their homes and in their hearts. What we didn't know was that Josi's Father was also preparing a place for her and she is in His arms right now. In the meantime, He needed someone with a big heart to love and care for Josi and there was no better woman for that job than Carla. She has a heart for parentless children like no one I have ever met.

Please pray for Carla and her family and comment here so that they can read your kind words when they are able to.