Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A Thank You and an Update

I am so very far behind in answering everyone's emails, phone calls, cards and letters. I know that we are on all of your minds and hearts still; and we so much appreciate all of your prayers, condolences and well wishes. I cherish every blog post and "we're still praying for you" email. The connection I feel with all of you is so strong that I wish I could give you all a hug and say thank you personally.

We are all doing so much better. I still have hard days, but they are much easier than they were. There are mostly just hard moments throughout the day now. Anything can trigger them. In fact, I bet I could win an award for going through so many emotions in one day. I can go from peaceful to sobbing to pissed-off in about 10 seconds flat.

I am waiting on a package from Josi's attorney that contains some of Josi's favorite things: dolls, toys, clothes, etc. I CAN'T WAIT to get those. I just want to touch something that she touched, something that she loved and cherished. I want to hold her clothes and breathe them in. Maybe I will be able to smell her scent. It is hard to lose a child that you really never got to have and hold. But I know that it would have been so much harder if I had been given that pleasure. The pleasure I had, however, was to have been able to know her and love her for almost a whole year.

I will leave you with this video from my last visit.

Here is a glimpse of my Josi in all her sweetness.
Edited to add a beautiful poem that a blog reader left as a comment.
Thank you MoonDog!

I'll lend you for a little while a child of mine, God said.
For you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she's gone.
It may be one or seven years- or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you and should her stay be brief.
You'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give her all your love and not think the labor vain.
Nor hate me as I come to call to take her back again?

I fancied that I heard you say, "Dear God, Thy will be done.
For all the joy this child shall bring. The risk of grief I'll run".
I'll shelter her with tenderness. I'll love her while I may.
And for the happiness I've known. Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for her much sooner than I'd planned.
I'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

by Edgar Guest


Alexandra {{Awareness Warrior}} said...

Jesus is so lucky to have Josi in Heaven with Him...I'm so sorry you didn't have longer with her; I wish I could make things better ;.(
I myself have problems trusting in God's plan, and that Heaven is everything He says it is, and I can't imagine how hard this must be on's hard to imagine someplace so perfect that sweet Josi is happier than she could ever be here on earth. I'm sure you can relate to the quote (I believe it's by Mother Teresa), "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle; I just wish He didn't trust me so much!"
Praying for you and yours,

Stacey and Dewey said...

Beautiful video of Josi, thank you for sharing it. I'm so glad your attorney is able to send you some of her things. I'm sure they will mean the world to you and provide a small measure of comfort.

Wonderful Christmas pictures, what a blessing to be able to share the season with so many family members.

Your in my heart and prayers!!

Our Family of 5 said...

Oh Carla,
That is just the sweetest sound I have ever heard. What a great video. Sweet Josi is definitely singing in heaven. Thanks for sharing this.
Hugs and prayers,

Mel said...

Still thinking and praying for all of you.
M from OK

Anonymous said...

I have been praying for you enitre family for the past month. You are so blessed to have all these memories though they are so few and such a short time. She is truly an angle, first here on earth and now a shining light is heaven. I can't imagine the pain that you are all feeling, but know that so many think of you daily with hopes that a new joy or precious light will come to you all. No one could ever replace your Josie but I think God had already made plans to bring more children into your lives.

Mary Ann said...

Carla, She was the most precious child ever put on the face of the earth! What a precious video and memory of her! I am glad the attorney will be sending you her things to keep! That is such a blessing! I still pray for you all and your hearts to heal but never to forget that she truly was your daughter!

Cindy said...

Oh, Carla, what a beautiful, sweet girl!
Our prayers are still with you.
God bless, Cindy

Joshua said...

That is just beautiful Carla. The video is precious beyond words. I could hardly get through the poem without streams of tears. It was so moving. I am so glad that you will be able to get her things. My hear and prayers go out to you. Your post is a beautiful testimony. You are an amazing woman of faith. God Bless you and your family at this time of mourning and give your strength.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful girl with us.....and yes, we're still praying for you and your family. Sending lots of hugs from the forum...

Amanda said...

what an amazing gift you have in that video... what a sweet, sweet memory!! Her little voice is like an angel's!! I do think of you often, and pray.

Jaime Salas said...

Such a sweet video- it melts my heart. We pray for you every night- even my three year old.

Holding you up in prayer.

Heidi said...

You and your family are constantly still in my thoughts and prayers. What a sweet girl she is! Praying for your continued healing and comfort. I hope your package comes soon.

Rhonda said...

What a beautiful video of such a beautiful little girl. The poem was awesome. Sending many hugs and prayers to you and your family.
Blessings, Rhonda

Michele said...

Carla, HAD to post this for you!
I think it will bless you!
You are still in our hearts and minds! Michele

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

Carla - I would gather children, too :) I just found you today. I'm so, so sorry for your incredible tragedy. I cannot begin to imagine the sadness you are feeling. I pray that God will continue to guide you in your journey here. With love, Lisa

Marianne said...

I am keeping your family in my prayers. I am sure you cherish things such as this video and other sweet memories of Josi. I am so so sorry for your loss.
With love,

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

Still thinking of you and keeping you guys in prayer. :)

Melanie said...

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and still praying hard for God to surround you and keep you strong.

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

You guys are still in my thoughts and prayers.

Cindy said...

We and our church pastors have been praying for you. What a sweet and precious little girl. I'm truly sorry that your time with her was so short. May God's peace and comfort continue to surround you.

April said...

What a beautiful poem, we continue to lift you up in prayer..May God bless you and your family, what a beautiful song too...

Kim said...

Hi Carla,

Just stopping by to let you know you are still in our prayers. Hope you are doing okay.

Kim (Hector's mom from